Breathless

In my early thirties, while playing baseball I dove, made a spectacular catch (so I was told) and landed on my left shoulder.

Everything seemed fine at the moment but days later my shoulder continued to hurt.

I stretched it, massaged it, ibuprofened it and was able to get it to calm down enough that I did what most men, at least in my day, do.

I ignored it and dealt with the pain.

Weeks turned into months and it eventually got to a point where sleep was difficult.

I did my research and made an appointment to see a doctor.

I simply wanted a cortisone shot.

Something that has been given millions if not billions of times to athletes at a moments notice.

Many times during games.

My appointment was brief.

I filled out forms, sat in the waiting room, and of course paid the fee to “see the expert.”

Finally my name was called.

I was weighed, blood pressure taken, asked a bunch of irrelevant questions, and told to wait for the doctor.

Again, I was in my early thirties and in fantastic shape.

I just wanted a cortisone shot.

The doctor finally wheezed in, forty-five minutes late, easily seventy-five pounds overweight and collapsed into a chair.

He asked me a few random questions, ignored my shoulder completely, said they’d need to take some blood for tests and that I would need an x-ray before he could decide what to do.

Let the games begin.

By the time this month long circus was over I’d had an x-ray, which showed “nothing,” an MRI which showed “nothing,” a hefty bill and of course a pain in my shoulder that was getting even harder to sleep with.

Weeks later I arrived for another appointment with the medical “expert.”

I was taken into a room where I waited twenty minutes for the “doctor” to arrive. He told me they could find nothing wrong with my shoulder (big surprise as x-rays or MRIs are rarely helpful in these types of injuries) BUT he was very disturbed about my cholesterol levels.

He did a big showing with long latin terms and told me he was very concerned with my “health.”

The morbidly obese guy in front of me who gasped when he spoke and couldn’t stand while speaking was “concerned” about me, the guy with less than eight percent body fat.

Uh huh.

I told him I’d just clean up my diet but he said, “No that wouldn’t do it” and started to try and apply pressure and fear as though I was going to die if I didn’t take the prescription “statin” he was pushing.

I just changed the subject and said, “I came in here weeks ago because my shoulder hurt. When are you going to give me a cortisone shot?”

He hemmed and hawed and went back to the drug he wanted me to take.

Had I taken the “prescribed medication” that the “expert” was trying to sell, there is a very good chance I wouldn’t be here today.

He also refused to give me the shot under a plethora of excuses and said I would have to come back in a week.

When I did, this “doctor” was no longer available.

I explained my situation to my “new” doctor who apologized for my experience, told me that doctor was no longer working there, and gave me my shot which gave my shoulder a new lease on life.

This is nothing.

I could do “doctor” stories for an hour.

We’ve had “financial experts” tell us “housing would never go down” and the economy has never been stronger in . . . 2008.

We’ve had “climate experts” tell us that due to global warming the world would end in 1922, 1995, 2000, 2006, 2016 and let us not forget the bartender tales of only twelve years left.

We’ve had “medical and nutritional experts” tell us that marijuana, margarine and Malboro are good for us.

We’ve had “government experts” give our children amphetamines in school and we still have “religious experts” lying, cheating, stealing and molesting our kids . . . in CHURCH.

Now we are being told that we must shut down our entire lives because of a “virus” that 99.99 percent of the population will never contract or if they do will assimilate into their bodies and be stronger for it.

Wear a mask, don’t wear a mask, oh wear the damn thing even though we know it won’t protect you.

But, but, but the “experts” say I need an N95 respirator!

You don’t even know what the N or the 95 stands for!

It’s AR-15, err, 14 all over again for you Liberals and no it still doesn’t mean Assault Rifle!

I’ve been dealing with N95 respirators for two decades.

Unless you are on an active construction site, cement plant or taking down drywall, etc., they do nothing but inhibit your breathing and the first thing that all of us do who have worn these masks is get them off as fast as we can.

Furthermore a real EXPERT will tell you those masks aren’t strong enough in many of those environments which is why items such as half face and full face respirators have been created with very specific cartridges depending upon your level of wanting to stay away from various particles.

They also have to be FITTED and then TESTED for the fit which is why it is referred to as FIT TESTING to ensure the respirator is working properly for the Individual owner.

The respirator also has to be cleaned after each usage and stored properly so bacteria doesn’t grow and cause respiratory issues.

But hey grab that bandanna you’ve shoved in the back of your car or snag the one use “disposable” mask with the rubber band strap and use it fifty times.

You are doing great and you look MAHVELOUS!

One more thing.

Don’t worry when you start coughing.

It isn’t the Rona.

It’s all those food particles, carbon and hydrogen based garbage that you’ve been inhaling because you’ve decided to cover your original evolutionary exhale valve.

Well done and have no fear.

Once this “virus” panic ends the experts will have a new pill available to all of you who have been traumatized by the Invisible Man.

It will be called the Placebo and guaranteed to deal with your types of “issues.”

The only problem will be you will have to show picture ID to get it and we know how difficult that is for Liberals to obtain.

Oh well.

I’m sure you’ll be able to get the Placebo on the street.

It’ll be shortened to BO.

Why?

Because you stink.

Get off your couch, take a shower and pay your rent.

You can at least use some of my tax dollars, known to you as Stimulus, to buy some gum.

Four out of five “experts” say you should choose sugarless.

Do you know what the fifth one said who disagreed?

Of course you don’t.

Just keep listening to the “majority” and going sugar-free.

That’s as close to Freedom as you’ll ever get.

Pretty soon you’ll have yourself convinced the United States is a Democracy.

It’s not but what do you care?

You’re barely breathing now.

Jason Kraus

www.aleadernotapolitician.com

www.freeamericanetwork.com